When you lose a husband or a young child to sickness or accident, it’s heartrending. Everyone you know gathers around you and mourns with you. There is an outpouring of community support, an elaborate funeral, and the cultural understanding that your grief will likely be deep and long-lasting.
When you lose a baby to miscarriage, however, it’s different. Unlike other, more visible losses, miscarriage and its accompanying pain often go unacknowledged by the world at large, leaving hurting women and families to grieve in silence. I’m Dr. Bill Lile, OB. As a physician dedicated to the sanctity of life from conception, I recognize the deep sorrow that accompanies such a loss. Each life, no matter how brief, holds immense value, and the loss of that life can trigger all the same feelings of grief and distress that any other death would elicit. Acknowledging this truth is part of the journey to healing after a pregnancy loss. My wife and I suffered through four first trimester miscarriages. We understand the feeling of loss and sorrow. You celebrate a positive pregnancy test, anticipating the due date and how life will change, only to have the life you are preparing to welcome cut short. It can be devastating.
Understanding the Depth of Grief
Experiencing a miscarriage can evoke a complex array of emotions, including shock, sadness, guilt, and anxiety about future pregnancies. These feelings are normal and valid. It’s important to allow oneself to grieve and seek support during this challenging time. It’s important to acknowledge the depth of your loss and let yourself feel all the emotions you are experiencing, whatever they are. People react in many different ways to pregnancy loss, and there is no rulebook for how to feel.
The Impact of Societal Attitudes
In today’s society, where the beginning of life is often debated, the grief of miscarriage can be compounded. Pro-abortion rhetoric may inadvertently minimize the profound sense of loss felt by those who miscarry, as it can devalue the significance of life at its earliest stages. This societal backdrop makes it even more challenging for grieving parents to find acknowledgment and support.
Even well-meaning friends and family can cut you deeply with “comfort” that feels anything but comforting, including platitudes, “at least” statements, reminders that you can “try again,” and other comments that inadvertently attempt to downplay your loss. The Church has a duty to teach Christians how to comfort a couple after miscarriage. When a newborn baby dies, the Church functions as it should: with cards, calls, prayers, and food. However, these acts are usually absent after a miscarriage. If we mourn the loss of an already delivered baby, then we need to equally mourn the loss of a baby in the womb. Trust me, the pain and sense of loss is very real.
Navigating the Grieving Process
Grieving a miscarriage is a personal journey, and there is no right or wrong way to process this loss. Some may find solace in sharing their experiences with trusted friends or family members, while others might seek comfort in solitude. Engaging in rituals, such as planting a tree or creating a memory box, can serve as meaningful ways to honor the lost life of your child.
Faith as a Source of Comfort
For many, faith provides a foundation upon which to process grief. Turning to spiritual practices, such as prayer or Bible reading, can offer comfort and perspective. Recognizing that each life is part of a divine plan—and that loved ones who are separated by death can meet again through Christ—may help you in finding meaning amidst the pain. Faith-based ministries like Christian Life Resources and others can be a source of hope as you navigate the days and weeks following your loss.
Seeking Support
Many couples find immense comfort in meeting and talking with others who have experienced similar losses. Support groups, whether in-person or online, offer spaces to share stories, express emotions, and receive understanding. Organizations like New Mercy Moms or Foreknown Ministries provide faith-based support and resources tailored to those coping with miscarriage.
Professional Counseling
If feelings of despair or anxiety grow too overwhelming to handle, it may be time to seek professional counseling. Mental health providers can help you explore coping strategies and offer a safe environment to process complex emotions. Experts emphasize the importance of addressing and treating both the physical and emotional aspects of recovery after a miscarriage.
Honoring the Life Lost
Acknowledging the personhood of the unborn child is a vital step in the healing process. Creating personal rituals or memorials can affirm the significance of the life that was and provide a tangible focus for grief. This recognition aligns with the belief that every life, from conception, holds inherent worth and dignity. Give your child a name, and honor him or her for the joy their brief life brought to you and others.
A Call to Compassion
As a community, it’s imperative to approach those grieving a miscarriage with empathy and understanding. Avoiding minimizing language and offering a listening ear can make a profound difference. By acknowledging their loss and the value of the life that was, we affirm their grief and support their journey toward healing.
If you or someone you know is navigating the aftermath of a miscarriage, I invite you to check out the support links above. There are also resources available on our website to help those who want to offer more compassionate care to understand the grief of miscarriage. Our curriculum is designed to empower and support individuals in understanding the sanctity of life at all stages. Together, we can cultivate a culture that recognizes and cherishes the intrinsic value of every human life.
