When we talk about abortion, we usually focus on women—and rightly so. Women carry the physical burden of pregnancy and often face pressure and fear that pushes them into making life-altering decisions quickly. But there’s another side to the story that rarely gets the attention it deserves: the effect abortion has on men. Too often, men are left entirely out of the picture. On the war-torn battleground of the abortion debates, the profound impact abortion can have on the father of the unborn child is almost completely overlooked.
As an obstetrician who has delivered over 5,000 babies and walked alongside mothers and fathers through both joy and heartbreak, I can tell you this: men feel abortion, too. And when their voices are silenced or dismissed, the grief they carry can become a heavy, lifelong burden.
The Hidden Grief Men Carry
At ProLife Doc, my work brings me into contact with people on every side of the abortion equation, including the men who are fathers to my littlest patients. They, too, are connected by emotional and spiritual ties to their babies, even if they don’t have the literal connection that the pregnant mother does.
Research and real-life stories show that men can and do experience depression, anxiety, guilt, and even PTSD after an abortion. In many cases, they feel helpless, stripped of the ability to protect their child or participate in the decision. One man, reflecting on his experience, said, “I felt like a bystander to the death of my own child.” That kind of powerlessness is traumatic. It leaves a mark.
In one Mel Magazine article, several men shared how they processed their partner’s abortion. Some supported the decision at the time, only to be haunted by regret later. Others were excluded from the choice altogether. One man confessed he found himself drinking more and sabotaging relationships, unsure why until he realized he had never grieved the abortion. Another said, “I had no say, and I couldn’t stop it. But I loved that baby, even if I never met them.”
These are not isolated stories. They reflect a broader pattern of unacknowledged pain. According to a publication by the deVeber Institute, men who were involved in an abortion often struggle with lingering guilt and emotional instability. These effects can show up in destructive behaviors, strained marriages, and long-term emotional detachment.
A growing body of research, including work from the Centre for Male Psychology, supports this observation, noting that men who have experienced the loss of a child through abortion often exhibit signs of complicated grief, a type of grief that is “prolonged, intense, and disruptive to daily life.” Unlike other forms of bereavement, abortion-related grief in men is frequently disparaged, meaning it isn’t recognized or validated by society. This makes it harder for men to seek support or even understand what they’re feeling. They may struggle with unresolved anger, shame, or identity confusion, especially when they are denied any role in the decision or outcome. Without the opportunity to mourn openly, many internalize their pain, which can erupt later on in harmful behaviors or manifest as emotional withdrawal. These patterns can affect not only their mental health but their future relationships, trust in others, and sense of masculinity.
God’s Design for Fatherhood
Scripture reveals that fatherhood is more than a biological reality; it’s a calling. From the beginning, God tasked Adam with protecting and caring for what was entrusted to him. That charge still stands. Men are designed to guard, to nurture, to lead with love. When that calling is broken by the loss of a child through abortion, the emotional consequences are real.
And the spiritual cost is just as heavy. Psalm 139 reminds us that every human life is fearfully and wonderfully made. When a man loses a child to abortion—whether he supported the decision or not—there’s a rupture in the heart that only God’s grace can heal. We cannot pretend men walk away untouched.
The Church needs to be a place where these stories can be shared and where healing can begin. We need to acknowledge that fathers hurt too, and that their grief is not weakness. It’s evidence of love. And love, even when it’s painful, is never pointless.
The Path Toward Healing
I’ve spoken with men who carried their abortion grief for years before seeking help. Once they did, the healing was transformative. With support, truth, and forgiveness, they found freedom—not by forgetting what happened, but by facing it with honesty and courage.
Sean Corcoran is a friend of mine. He is an attorney and founder of a ministry named “Men For Life” www.MenForLife.org The focus of his ministry is to provide healing for men after their partners chose abortion, while the fathers wanted to protect and defend their child. Together we at teaching men that they have a Godly duty as men to be defenders and protectors. That is one of their God given roles.
At ProLife Doc, we’re committed to speaking the truth in love, and not just about the beauty of life, but about the full human cost of abortion. That includes the silent suffering of fathers.
If you’re a man who has experienced abortion, know this: your pain is not invisible to God. Healing is possible. Hope is real. And you are not alone. Whether you were involved in the decision or shut out of it, your voice matters.
I encourage you to visit ProLifeDoc.org to explore our resources. Learn about the miracle of life from conception, discover the scientific and biblical foundation for the sanctity of life, and order our curriculum to share this knowledge with others. Every patient is a person, no matter how small. And every father, no matter how unseen, carries a story worth hearing.
